The Samsung Camera Never Lies: "School House Rock"

Though I'm a big fan of alternative rock and the occasional heavy metal, this isn't a tribute to Metallica, Coldplay, U2 or the Beatles. Not even Hoobastank, Creed, P.O.D., Kings of Leon or Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Although I have fond memories of this educational short clip while growing up, I'm not talking about this either. Ah, these were the days when TV did more than just rot your brains out.

Actually, this is about these damn, mysterious rocks I have always seen in front of elementary, middle and high schools. Usually not colleges. I guess it isn't cool when you're in college. But what is the fixation with kids, schools and these megaliths.

These rocks baffle me. I wonder if they have been placed there since the beginning of time (of the school) by some mysterious agent (P.T.A.) and what is their true purpose.

They are often painted with names celebrating birthdays, graduations, events or random details. And they're always covered in hypnotic, multi-colored paint. Their meaning is more elusive than trying to find good television shows on cable these days. More confusing than trying to keep up with rational thoughts in the current health debate. And more mysterious than the WMDs we never found in Iraq since 2001.

I remember that even this new school I saw going up over the summer already got a rock within the first week of opening. Isn't that a bit odd? Who decides that a rock is missing or needs to be at a particular school? I even wondered if the same guys that did the job at Stonehenge or on Easter Island had their hands in this.

These rocks do seem to come out of nowhere and their purpose is unknown. They remind me of some TV shows, a few politicians and Levi Johnston. Until I figure this out, I guess I'm stuck between a rock and a bad phase.




The 'Samsung Camera Never Lies' Series is a collection of varied, entertaining, random, interesting, amusing and at times outright hilarious images and pictures. Everything seen is as seen through the lens of a Samsung SGH-T819 phone. All rights reserved to crazy Dave "Loose Cannon" Wills. The events and characters portrayed or seen herein are indeed non-fictitious and have all basis in reality. Hence no real identities or identifying marks, logos or symbols will be seen. Do enjoy this amusing, interesting, occasional 400 word or less, 2 pictures or more mobile chronicle. Do feel free to comment, remark or simply leave your 2 cents worth.

The Samsung Camera Never Lies: "School House Rock"

Dave's Guide To Proper Netiquette: The Blogger Version

So, I have followed up on the request of my fellow bloggers, elle and rucamosgirl. Their suggestions from a previously related post about the ALL CAPS syndrome made me do some more research and thinking about proper netiquette. Even more, I wanted it to be geared more towards us bloggers. After all, we wouldn't want to be that blogger who always sticks out like a sore thumb because of poor netiquette. Who would want to stick out as much as ex-CNN's Lou Dobbs probably would at an Immigration United Support meeting?

Hence, I've noticed and suggested some pointers that may help someone you know to become a better blogger. Also, hopefully we can end this ill together.

1. Writing relevant comments. The blog author and other dedicated readers/commenters can clearly tell if you've read the article or not. If you don't like the article, then it's fine. There may be other ones or even other blogs that you may like. Blogging is only half the task, the other part involves actually reading other people's blogs and commenting on them. After all, we all like a bit of support, praise and ego-pumping. Not only will you gain fellow support by doing this regularly and gain more blogger friends (as opposed to one-time hit commenters), but you will also be practicing proper netiquette.

2. Not using all caps ALL the time. Use when appropriate. For reference, see here.

3. Excessive blog-pimping is a no-no. Allowed on your own status or comments of friends who know or tolerate you. Writing it everywhere and joining every group to put your URL even though your blog is about cats and the group may be called "Bloggers Who Hate Cats and Cats Blogs" may be extremely annoying. Tied to #1. Believe, you and I and that person all want to get more readers who we can interact with, inspire, get comments from and entertain from article to article. But you don't want potential readers/followers/supporters/commenters to get turned off by seeing your link posted everywhere they click!

4. Check in on old friends (bloggers you first read and commented on or vice versa). The great thing about these blog networks are the connections you make. You don't want to be like Whitney Houston and be all cool with us like it's 1989 and then disappear some time after till a comeback in 2009. Try the Google reader too if you have it, it helps to keep you updated on blog updates. This makes it easier to go back and read and leave your words on an article.

5. TyPIng LiKe thIs iS UnACceptABle.  Not only is this pointless and makes you look like a retard, it's highly annoying. It's even more annoying than people posting their blog URLs everywhere. As a matter of fact, it's more annoying than typing in all caps. At least then, I can assume it's either stuck or you're angry (though it's still very irritating). Yet, typing like this is evident you're doing this on purpose. Hence, don't be surprised when you get less followers, readers, fans, friends, followers or the like. You're trying really hard to get attention just as hard as Ms. New York was trying to get into 'serious' acting after her stunt stint on Flava Flav's disastrous show. And boy was she trying. Thank God she and her awful spin-off show came to their senses.

6. Post URLs responsibly. This should be logical to most but the better (less annoying, greater display of proper netiquette) way to promote your blog is to join blog forums, category blog groups or other blogging networks that are created for that very purpose. The worse way is to post it every blimey place you can think about. For additional clarity, refer back to #3. If one does not heed to this, then in the words of the famous Mr.T, "I pity the fool!"

I have a dream...
That one day, all bloggers will be united in the quest for less annoying practices..
And we'll all better bloggers...

Until then, someone please tell _______ (fill in blank) if they are in fault of anything on this list.

Merci! Aargh!

Dave's Guide To Proper Netiquette: The Blogger Version

Baby's First Blog

So as I do every other day or so, I hit the "Next Blog" button on the Google dashboard above my blog's header. It's actually a great way to randomly find other blogs to read and comment on as well as a good way to possibly meet new bloggers. And hopefully, draw more traffic to your blog if you're interested in that...

Well, today was just one of those days. And firstly, I was glad that Google somehow heard my complaints. This time most of the blogs (more than 4/5) were in English. Yet this time I was still bothered! Instead of the results being random blogs in English like I wanted it to be, they seemed to be stuck in the same category as the first blog that I came across after leaving my site.

So, for five minutes I was lost all in travel blogs, then the next three minutes it was stirring around in all cooking blogs. I went back to my dashboard and started again, truly intent on finding some new blogs to read. This time, a family blog popped up. Well, rather a blog with dozens of pictures of someone's baby from every angle doing every possible thing from bathing to eating to sleeping to nursing. It creeped me out a bit I must admit.

Yet, what creeped me out even more was the fear that I was about to be stuck in another time warp of over-exposed and under-dressed kids, smiling moms and dads along for the ride. My scientific mind decided to do a statistical experiment to see how many I would come across before it stopped. Here are the results:

Overall Time Stuck In Family Blog Hel World: 28 minutes
Total Blogs Browsed: 123
Average Number of Blogs Browsed Per Minute: 4
Number of Female Authors: 119
Number of Male Authors: 4
Estimated Average Number of Pictures of Kids Per Blog: Error - Number Outside Count Range
Estimated Average Number of Pictures of Kids Per Article:8
Estimated Average Number of Inappropriate Pictures of Kids: Error - Way Too Effin Much!?!
Amount of Personal/Classified/Private Information Shared: Error - Way Too Effin Much!?!

Am I the only one who feels a bit uneasy about this? And imagine I'm not even the parents posting pictures,  names, birthdays, pictures of their houses both inside and outside, addresses etc. I'm mortified at the thought of how easy this could be accessed by the wrong person. On the news you see way too many instances of sick adults who indulge in even sicker pleasures that end up in innocent children being hurt. This is like leaving a kid in a candy store overnight with free access to everything (pun intended). It's all out there like Britney Spears' famous exiting-car-showing-vajajay shots or Spencer Pratt's lack of appeal/intelligence/charisma.

So, yes while I understand that you may be so proud of your newborn or offspring (which I congratulate and support), it may be true (gasp!) that not everyone may be as enthusiastic as you are. Obviously I'd expect family, close friends, and blogger with similar persuasions to be the ones you'd share these photos, smiles, laughter and moments with. Yet, always consider that leaving such a blog fully open and non-restricted may not always be a great idea. Way too many sickos and perverts out there. Try restricting the availability of your 'kid's' blog a bit to be safe.

This is one of the ills of the vastly extensive social networking capabilites of society today. Anybody and I mean anybody (sex offenders down the street, perps in jail) can network or blog. They can even use a fake name and profile. After all the milk cartons, child abduction reports, and ads in the newspaper scare me enough and I don't have a kid!

On a different note, some of these pictures are truly hilarious. Even funnier is the captions that some of these mothers put. Not only am I concerned that if these kids ever read this blog later when they grow up they may be scarred but that they may be pissed that whatever their mom wrote was definitely NOT what they were thinking at the time. Some captions were:

HOPPY WEEN (kid smiling in bunny costume for Halloween)
Bucket head (kid with bucket over head)
I like my ducky (slightly annoyed kid given a bath)I
I love when my mommy rubs soap on my head (same as above)
I made stinky! (child given a diaper change)
Nearly naked baby! (pretty much naked baby)
I came out of my mommy's tummy (child sleeping in crib)
I can't find my hand, mommy! (kid with hand in pants)

Another thing that may come off as slightly annoying to some is the obsession you may have with posting a picture of every single thing your child does, wears, eats. By all means, keep a great record that you can look back on and treasure. Though sometimes instead of sharing it with the World Wide Wackos, try a CD or photo album instead. Yay!

Now can the "Next Blog" button link me to a different category? Please?

Aargh!


P.S. In keeping with the data obtained from my research, I have included 8 baby pictures in this article. Though not all I think one would be happy to post online.

Disclaimer: Dave "Loose Cannon" Wills, Mark My Words and http://markthisup.blogspot.com in no way condones, tolerates, promotes, supports, encourages, advertises, justifies or endorses child pornography, adverse pedophiliac behavior, and/or the excessive and irresponsible posting of under-dressed, over-exposed children online.

Baby's First Blog

#2...I Hate To Be That Person Who...

orders a meal and then when it comes asks to get something else because that's not what he ordered. Though it is really what he ordered and he's just being a pain in the arse. Even worse. Imagine if it comes out of the new waitress' pay. I'd hate to be that waitress.

It's funny to always observe and experience how the waiter/waitress-customer dynamics changes depending on which restaurant you eat out or in at. Some places you know that the food is great but the service is bad. Yet at others, the food was so bad that you swore on your aunt's head that you'll never go back but the wait staff there made all the difference. It's as though you get the good with the bad. The yin with the yang. The Office with the Real Housewives of Atlanta (I'm yet to see them clean, cook or do any housewife stuff).

I'd hate to be that waiter who has to leave in five minutes or has to close that night. Especially when the drunk frat boys from the club up the street waltz in after the witching hour still drunk. And you're the one that has to wait their table. My blogger colleague, Nomad, from 365 Days of People spoke about a very similar situation and it is hilarious.

Actually, I think I'd also hate to be the person who gets stuck with the rude waitress. You know that person who comes to your table with the fake smile for two seconds or looks away pissed when you look at the menu? Or scowls when you ask for something else and angrily replies that it is not on the menu tonight?

Come to think of it, I'd hate to be that person who has to wait for ANY one to at least come to or recognize their table. This has been known to happen frequently at certain Waffle Houses and IHOP establishments. I'd hate to be the person who has to suffer this tragedy. What is even worse is the person who this message was intended for. Dang this sucks but at least the 'customers' (never actually got served or bought anything it seems) were creative and definitely got the message across.

Hmmm. I'd probably hate to be the person who had to clean that mess up and explain to the manager why the customer had to resort to writing this on the counter!

Yeah. I'd sure hate to be that person!



This has been a certified random thought process by the author, Dave "Loose Cannon" Wills. Feel free to post comments, opinions, similar stories, and/or suggestions below.

#2...I Hate To Be That Person Who...

Supersize Me! No, Wait...Make That XXXXL!!

I should probably blame my pet Peeve for this one too. This is high up on my list of social peeves. Now, I'm not one big on buying into most stereotypes but sometimes, the people that fall under these labels tend to do a fantastic job at advertising themselves.

This particular group today has a unique 'urban outiffter' (not the brand) vibe when it comes to dressing. Society likes to say and believe that dressing styles are simply modes of expression. Yet, I think some modes need to be given the silent treatment, made to wear the dunce cap and put to sit in the corner for meaningful reflection. The guilty party I am talking about this time is the urban, hip-hop (or jail-time?) influenced mode of dress. Rather the extreme version of it because nothing's wrong with regular hip-hop dressing as far as I'm concerned.

Let me present a few case exhibits.

The two main items of conflict here are the over-over-over-sized tees and the jeans worn around the knees. After all, what's more appealing than a fresh glimpse of butt crack, plaid underwear and arse in the morning? Or what about that stylish all-white 'man skirt' some people wear and try to parade it as a tee?

This 'honor' of this 'luxury' was once reserved for gang-bangers, jail birds, hip-hop artistes and street ballers. Though, this list still does not in any way venerate the wearing of one's pants this low. I still give it ZERO COOL POINTS. I have noticed, this list has now been extended to include such types as douche bags, confused white boys wanting to be urban, guys who play for the guy team, and even little kids at the daycare.

To the abusers of this trend:
Wearing jeans this way or tees that swallow you up and make everything from your knees up disappear definitely sends certain messages. And they may not always be the ones that you want to send. Unless you're walking in certain areas and have always wanted to see what it feels like to have a Life Swap with a hard-core thug who shows his boxers. Maybe you have dreams about being the next bigger Myspace rapper or you want to be that guy who tries to hand you his demo CD every time you're walking downtown. Or perhaps of trying to run while holding your pants up while still tripping over yourself. Some research might show that this may actually be the number one cause of deaths in these areas - can't run away fast enough!

I think it's unfair for people who do this and buy most of the XXXXL tees to look hip and urban when their size is clearly a M or L at best. What about Big Boi, Heavy T, Slim and Fat Albert? Can they sleep soundly at night knowing that other more deserving people have to walk around bare back because of their silliness? Shame on you, wearer-of-clothes-way-too-big!

It's like a new spot on the Monopoly Board Game or one of those little cards you pick up.  

Are your jeans blatantly sagging? Go straight to jail! 

You've been selected to model on the runway for the new Th'ugh Warnabee Line. We love your long, flowing, white cotton dress!

I mean how can some wearers of these clothes seriously expect to make a run from the trap house (code name: house where drugs are sold/bought. tip: house in community, development, projects that may have many cars always parked there all during the day.)? Or run from the boys in blue (Five-O or 'po po')? As a matter of fact, from other peeps who they may owe money? It's ludicrous I tell you!

This is yet another fault of that ole pet of mine, Peeve. I wish he'd stop using his magical powers and causing other people to do this.

Remember, friends don't let friends sag jeans!

Aargh!

P.S. Lil Wayne has mad skills though! Real talk. And, have you seen these two guys (or guys that look like this) before? Talk about socially confused misfits...

Supersize Me! No, Wait...Make That XXXXL!!

Shot From The Cannon

So these are all random, entertaining, crazy thoughts and questions running through the head of Dave "Loose Cannon" Wills on a Tuesday evening.

Where did Beavis and Butthead go?

So, Facebook is telling me who to poke and to reconnect with these days? What next will they do, show me phone numbers of persons to call?

That dude yesterday needed a breath mint. Dang!

Was OJ really innocent? What about Bill Clinton?

Who is the real mastermind behind the all-knowing Google? Is there a Google religion by now?

Why is the theme song from "Who's The Boss" playing in my head? Where is Tony Danza these days?

As a matter of fact, where is and WHO the hell is this Carmen Sandeigo person I've heard about all my life?

Or, where is Osama Bin Laden? Is he real or fictional?

Cheesecake.

Enough with all this Jon & Kate rubbish everywhere on TV. Where's the real news?

I'm cooler than the underside of a pillow.

Family Guy and The Office are hilarious.

I hate pretty much all of these reality TV shows on TV these days. Who keeps making more of these horrible, crappy show ideas?

Chuck Norris is the man. I say so because I do not want to get a roundhouse kick to the head.

Peanut butter and jelly tastes better with a glass of milk.

Africa is not a country, SW. Stop saying it is.

If I had twitter, I would walk up to people and tell them "Follow me" or just say "@daveloosecannon". I saw this in one of my friend's notes on Facebook.

Spiderman underwear.

I wish I had a spaceship so I could fly up into space and get a section all for myself. That would truly be Myspace.

They call me the Loose Cannon because I'm liable to shoot any crazy thing out of my mouth at random.

This dude on Facebook says "Morning, tweople" everyday in his combined Facebook/Twitter status. I think it's retarded.

Twitter vs Facebook vs Myspace. Who wins?

ICQ vs Google Talk vs Yahoo Msgr vs MSM Msgr. Winner? Loser?

Kama Sutra is one of the coolest books ever. Period.

Reading my blog gives you 0.46 cool points each hour. It's true.

If you've got this far, then you can read the rest below. And your cool points are accumulating.

I love driving and have certain peeves about driving.

Why do people always feel uncomfortable with taking off their shoes in a friend's or stranger's apartment? Smelly feet?

Why was Smurfette the only Smurf in the Smurf village? Was this because of sexism, subtle prostitution or simple poor script writing?

Heavy rain really brings out the best and the worst drivers. Sigh.

Is the Captain in you?

Why when I click on "Next Blog", it shows me blogs in languages I don't speak? Is keeping it in English too much to ask? 

And back to reality....

Aargh!

Shot From The Cannon

I Lost My Virginity Last Weekend

Yes, it is true. I guess it finally happened. I've seen it happen to other people and now it has happened to me. I also join the club.

I have received my first peer-blogging award.

That's right, Mark My Words has had its award-receiving cherry popped and it is indeed a great feeling. The person guilt responsible for this generous deed is none other than the talented poet and writer, The.Kisser, at Kiss.The.Pen. She is a fantastic weaver of words, imagination, emotion and at times sensuality that arouses the mind and stimulates the brain. And body. Her unique art of words and flow is amazing.

After consulting the almost-all knowing Google as well as the giver of my award's page, I checked the rules. I am supposed to:
1. choose seven other bloggers/people to award (and let them know)
2. tell ten creative things about myself.

In true spirit of receiving this award, I also nominate seven other worthy bloggers.

1. Jason Polan at Every Person In New York. This blog really deserves this award for its creativity and talent. Here, a talented artist and people observes make anonymous sketches of everyday people and their activities in the busy streets and corners of New York.

2. taraSG at My Day in Six Words. Pictures can tell a thousand words or maybe a 1006? Great picture blog.

3. Benedict Jones at Notes From A Basement. Creative writing is his forte and his regular 50-word project is not just a good read but also intriguing and compelling.
 
4. Emily at One More Thing...  The way she tells a story about her adventures and experiences in life is superb. And it draws you in and evokes emotions that you can relate to. Good honest writing and soul-sharing.

5. CJ and Blondie at Blonde Monde. Every one loves blondes, right? Even more, trying to date them. What's even better is hearing about dating from their perspective. Talk about insider trading! Great blog.

6. KC Kelly at The Other 98¢. Great comedic, funny and interesting opinions and stories on life, people, news and everything in between.

7. Nomad at 365 Days of People. This awesome blogs chronicles the experiences we all encounter with different sets of people around us each day that we can't live with it or without. You're bound to find at least one group every other day that you can definitely agree with the author on. Good laughs and observations about people.

Check out these awesome blogs and tell them Dave "Loose Cannon" Wills sent you!


Ten creative things about myself,
 

1. I am an accomplished musician and play several instruments from piano to guitar to drums.
2. I too wax poetic and have considered myself a poet since childhood. Read me here.
3. I can do a backflip.
4. I paint at times, when I have time. I prefer oils too.
5. I like to make stick figures using modeling clay and sticks and pretend they're real life figures. Possible additional blog material? Hmm...
6. I play several sports and clearly am an outdoor person.
7. I used to (still like to) make awesome kites as a kid.
8. I'm pretty handy and can fix or repair stuff.
9. I'm a beast in the kitchen. Those unfamiliar with the phrase it means that I know the difference between a dash and a tablespoon and oregano and parsley.
10. I like extreme sports.

In true spirit of Mark My Words history,

Aargh!

P.S. There are many other fantastic bloggers who I read and follow so although they may not be listed here, you can find them on my follow list. Some have already gotten this award, some have others and some probably will get this same award really soon. Keep writing because Dave loves to read and comment!

I Lost My Virginity Last Weekend

I Hate To Be That Person Who...

 

sits at the window seat on the train or the plane. Granted it's a great view to watch the world zipping by at the speed of sound, but it often comes with a tiny yet annoying price.

One such case is when that person has to use the restroom so badly he feels like he's about to explode. But interestingly, they're 'stuck' by the window. As Nana would tell us back in the day,"When you need to pee, do it quickly". She always warned about the danger of our bellies bursting or our bladders not working. I never knew what a bladder was at 3 years old but I surely didn't want mine to stop working. I think this person in the window seat probably had a similar relative because it always seems as though you have to go right then and there.

Even more, I'd hate to be that person who has to then wake up or bother the other two or three people sitting next to him. And on top of it, they have to get up when he has to go AND to get up once more when he returns. Crazy, right?

What's even worse? Well, I'd hate to be that person who's in the restroom on the airplane during bad turbulence and gets the blue gel thing on their clothes. That would be really disgusting. No, actually having to ask the two people next to you to get up again while they cringe in disgust as your blue-looking Smurf self has to pass near to them. But thinking of it, I would not even like to be the person that has to keep on getting up every time nature calls you on speed dial.

Yeah. I'd sure hate to be that person!



This has been a certified random thought process by the author, Dave "Loose Cannon" Wills. Feel free to post comments, opinions, similar stories, and/or suggestions below.

I Hate To Be That Person Who...

THIS SHOUT OUT GOES OUT TO...

EVERYONE WHO HAS A MALFUNCTIONING CAPS LOCK BUTTON OR SIMPLY DECIDED TO LEAVE IT ON WHILE TYPING EVERYTHING ONLINE! YAY!

Aah....

If you're like me, then that was probably annoying to see all those caps. I think this is one of the most obnoxious, rude and improper things regarding netiquette. For the others, netiquette (code word for internet etiquette) simply refers to the unwritten, understood proper rules, protocol and manners employed when engaged in online communication.

Didn't it make you feel like I was shouting at you or that I was on top of Oprah's famous sofa jumping up and down and screaming at you at the top of my lungs as you sat confused in the seat next to me?

If you haven't marked my words before, then you probably won't be familiar with Peeve, that dang pet of mine. He's notorious for his tricks and shenanigans. Though he may make me laugh sometimes, at others it's downright annoying. I also have said before that Peeve seems to have magical powers of transference and can make other people, even random strangers, pick up and follow his infuriating examples and behavior. This is yet another one. I think Peeve is making certain people type in CAPS LOCK. I don't know which is worse, Peeve or all these silly new reality shows some moron producer is being paid to dream up while he's in the toilet. Because, that's whey they belong and should stay. Yet, they keep trying to take them straight out of the crapper and put in on TV. Anyway, more about that in a later post.

What if I started to just suddENLY TYPE EVERY SINGLE SENTENCE IN ALL CAPS? BOY, HOW ANNOYING IS THAT?!? WILL THAT MAKE YOU FRUSTRATED OR ANNOYED?!

What if every time you saw me type it WAS ALL IN CAPS LIKE THIS? I DOUBT THAT YOU WOULD APPRECIATE THAT VERY MUCH! CAN YOU IMAGINE A WHOLE POST LIKE THIS. I WOULD LOSE THE FAITHFUL READERS I HAVE...

The only times caps are acceptable, in my opinion:

1 If you're typing a heading or making a strong emphasis on a word or phrase.

2 If you're involved in a heated web argument and there's a lot of  'web shouting' taking place.

3 If you're Billy Mays (RIP) and you're typing the script for an upcoming infomercial. He was 'lovingly' known as the only person who spoke in all caps verbally and constantly. Man, that dude used to shout the whole time during those ads. Talk about not using his inside voice ever!

Places where leaving your CAPS LOCK button on is not accepted or cool:

1 Your Facebook status, Twitter updates, Myspace status, all chat windows during regular conversation (MSN, Yahoo, Google Talk, AIM, all the rest) and text messages.

2 Throughout the entirety of official letters, publications, message conversation and the list goes on. Did you hear about the woman who got fired for doing EXACTLY that? This is a recession and we need to keep our jobs.

3 Anywhere else online. Period. Zero cool points.

I am about to start a petition for BANNING IMPROPER USAGE OF CAPS LOCK. See there, it was used correctly. How hard was that, luvlee64? Or broman945@aol.com? I haven't forgotten you on Facebook, Amber W.? A fund would be started to provide proper training in the correct way and Chuck Norris is responsible for dealing with all those who break this law. I'm sorry for their heads. We would also be hiring Ving Rhames because he's just an angry-looking, big, bad mofo. He too is the man.

I leave you with a few people who can use all caps and get away with it:

1 Chuck Norris (I dare you to tell him not to)

2 Ving Rhames (Ditto)

3 Paris Hilton, Heidi Montag (may not know where to find the button)

4 Spencer Pratt (seeking attention and hoping all caps speech and text will help)

5 Peter Griffin, Family Guy (we know he's quite the retarded one)

6 Catherine Zeta Jones, Halle Berry (she can do no wrong by us)

7 Blind persons (I dare you to close your eyes and try to type. They do the best they can. God bless their hearts. We love them)

8 Elderly folk (They may not know better)

9 The cute chick/guy you met at the club earlier and know you're drunk texting/messaging them

10 Oprah (she can afford to)


Will someone please end this epidemic? Aargh!

P.S. For further endorsed amusement, go here. Not for minors, faint of heart. Guaranteed hilarious though.

Mark My Words, Dave "Loose Cannon" Wills and http://markthisup.blogspot.com does not guarantee that all the promises made there will come true. Results vary by person, belief, level of stupidi intelligence, age and type of CAPS LOCK button used.

THIS SHOUT OUT GOES OUT TO...

The Fast And Oblivious

(sung to tune of "Itsy Bitsy Spider")

Silly, speeding driver...on the interstate
Down came the rain and....now you may be late
So down goes the gas pedal...so you'll get there quick
Silly, speeding driver...the road is effin' slick!

Dang that blasted Peeve again! He's always up to no good it seems. Sigh. This pet Peeve of mine has yet another behavior that irks me. This particular one only seems to happen at certain times which is good. I think any more than this and I would probably lose my mind. People who speed when it's raining cats, dogs, cows and Fat Alberts out there make me furious. Especially when I'm on the highway.

(sung to tune of "Baa Baa Black Sheep")

Nascar Reject....what's with all the speed
Is there...a death wish.... to fulfill....you need
The road is wet...thanks to all the rain
That puddle on the side...can make you hydroplane
Nascar Reject...we share the road with you
But we won't mind...if...we'll never have to...

Now, I'm not talking about a-sun-shiny-day-sweeping-the-clouds-away-on-my-way-to-where-the-air-is-sweet-on-to-Sesame Street-where-it's-all-dandy day. And suddenly, a light sprinkle comes down and people start driving way BELOW the speed limit (40 mph last time I checked here). No, not this kind of day. This however, is another situation which is equally annoying.

Yet, the situation that really drives me crazy, mark my words, is when the heavens are letting loose all their fury on the earth and the speed demons decide to come out to play. The darkened skies and white sheets of rain already make it impossible to see the car in front of you or the lines on the highway. Shoot, even the front of your own car! Yet, these fools think it's fun and cool to switch lanes like the Geico gecko switches accents in every other commercial. Did anyone else notice that? Good thing, 15 seconds no (not or) more is all I can take of that little green twerp.

Anyway. I used to think it was okay for trucks to do it because I deduced that although they're heavier and have a larger momentum that they could still chance to speed up in the rain. The main factor here was probably that they have bigger tires with plenty more traction. And, I've always noticed that during heavy rain when mostly everyone else drives slow, truckers take the chance to overtake and pass traffic. Yeah. I believed this alright. Though, this was until I heard about an accident with a truck skidding on a highway during rain. Dang. And the driver was going over the speed limit too.

But those sedans and even SUVs that are always determined to speed past me when everyone else is trying to drive cautiously (at least until the rain subsides) annoy the rational thinking out of me. I wonder if it's wrong that a part of me sometimes wishes that they skid off the highway (accident-free of course!) and then, their car gets stuck there till the rain stops. Speeding while the rain is gushing down will definitely get you on TruTV along with those idiots in the police car chases. If you're lucky you might make it to the fame level of Jackass TV - which is undeniably one of the best shows ever made on Earth and which has won so many awards for its creativity, family-oriented humor and....Okay, I could only BS so long. It's a dumb show that should never see the light of day ever again. Or any of the gasp! movies that were made of that show. Just as dumb are those who speed in this manner in this specific situation.

It doesn't matter if you just bought the new Michelin or Firestone tires with the double-threaded interlocking traction and channeled grooves to direct water away from the surface contact of the tire with the road. Others around you are driving slowly and you trying to speed only helps to further disrupt the already molasses-motion traffic. Yes, you in that white Ford Explorer. I can hardly see with all this rain but I can clearly see you're driving like an arse and you swerving too. That's not okay. Zero cool points.


Hopefully as winter approaches, there will be less rain as the place gets colder. One thing in my opinion that is even dumber and certainly more stupid than speeding in the heavy rain is speeding on the slick, partially frozen, somewhat iced highway. That will truly be a case of the fast, oblivious and ridiculous (depending on how it turns out perhaps even hilarious or notorious). But, I'm sure if I keep my eyes open that I'll be sure to see even this...

It might even end up an installment in the "Samsung Camera Never Lies" series! We'll see...

Aargh!

P.S. Google research (most credible source in the universe) suggests driving with shades on during heavy rain to see more clearly. No lie. Seems to confirmed by some men in blue and you know the cops never lie. Try it next time, it's crying a river while you're on the black carpet...

The Fast And Oblivious

The Samsung Camera Never Lies: "Flipping Over Food"

I remember food being so good that I wanted to jump up and down or scream out random stuff like "Yippee!" or "Yum, Yum in my tum tum!". Sometimes, I actually did this. The screaming part that is. And now a random thought. I saw Kate from the Gosselin empire in an episode screaming out, "Popcorn! Come get your popcorn!" in a weird, high-pitched, shrieking voice. It kinda freaked me out by the way. But in a humorous, wth-like manner. I know the next question is, "But Dave, why do you watch it?" I'll save that for a later post.

Anyhow, I am yet to eat food that is so out-of-this-world amazing that it makes me want to flip over and turn upside down. I've tasted and eaten food from various parts of the world during my travels and life experiences so far. They have been awesome, perhaps even flipping great! But I never recall feeling to actually flip.

I saw this sign today. I wondered if they read my mind and was sending a subliminal message about how great their food was. Or was it just unique advertising. Our prices are so low, we've turned them upside-down!

 
 

Whatever it was, it certainly caught my attention. What are some weird signs you've seen while out or driving?






The 'Samsung Camera Never Lies' Series is a collection of varied, entertaining, random, interesting, amusing and at times outright hilarious images and pictures. Everything seen is as seen through the lens of a Samsung SGH-T819 phone. All rights reserved to crazy Dave "Loose Cannon" Wills. The events and characters portrayed or seen herein are indeed non-fictitious and have all basis in reality. Hence no real identities or identifying marks, logos or symbols will be seen. Do enjoy this amusing, interesting, occasional 400 word or less, 2 pictures or more mobile chronicle. Do feel free to comment, remark or simply leave your 2 cents worth.

The Samsung Camera Never Lies: "Flipping Over Food"