#3...I Hate To Be That Person Who...

gets stopped randomly by TSA agents just as it's time to board the flight.

Especially if you get stuck with those agents who look at your photo with 'earnest' scrutiny, back up at you, and back down at your photo scowling while they're 'working'. It's a good thing that I love flying and even more I love safe flying. Yet...

I'd hate to be that person who is in the line behind someone who just got wrestled to the ground for forgetting to take their Mountain Dew 20oz which they had with their lunch out of their carry-on luggage. Especially if I just realized I also left my unfinished Fruit2day in my knapsack which is now going through the scanner. Dang.

I'd hate to be that person...well that kid...who was playing with his toy metal truck and stuck it up his butt by accident. I'd hate to remember my first airplane experience by remembering getting a full body cavity search by big, smiling men in uniforms.

I'd hate to be a good TSA agent (I've heard that they do exist and I'm a believer in them, Santa Claus, the tooth fairy and T Woods' innocence) who gets only bad rap thanks to all the horrible ones. Especially since some names I've heard TSA agents called before are: Gestapo storm troopers, Totally Stupid A**holes, The Stupid Academy, Team Scare Away. Yeah, I'd hate to be that person.

Next time your about to board that flight to Hawaii or Boston and you encounter an agent who may be rude or unfriendly, be happy. Especially if they are giving you the "I Am A Hardworking Government Employee, Keeping You Safe, Which is Why I’m Glowering At You And At Your Photo” look.

Oh, I'd definitely hate to be that person on the "no-fly" or "watch" list. Especially if my name happens to be of a certain ethnic origin and someone just happens to discriminate against me like that. Like if my name was Kyle Bomberh or Ahmed Explosivich. But then again, I'd hate to be that person who let that Nigerian extremist suicide bomber on a flight to the US although he was on a terror list and although HIS FATHER called the embassy and told them that his son was a loco extremist.

What I'd hate to be most is the idiot who gets convinced that putting a bomb next to my baby-maker is the best and probably last decision I could ever make in my life. Even worse, I'd hate to be the guy who has to be left with a burned pecker, a lifetime in jail and a bombed pride due to failure.

Lastly, I'd hate to be that person who is a senior citizen, physically challenged and flying alone to visit my children or grandkids. Especially if you look too old to fly meaning you're probably trying to take your last flight. Especially if all you wanted was to see family and get one more chance in the mile-high club just like in the glory days.

Yeah, I'd sure hate to be any of these people.

Aargh!

#3...I Hate To Be That Person Who...

I Hate To Be That Person Who...

 

sits at the window seat on the train or the plane. Granted it's a great view to watch the world zipping by at the speed of sound, but it often comes with a tiny yet annoying price.

One such case is when that person has to use the restroom so badly he feels like he's about to explode. But interestingly, they're 'stuck' by the window. As Nana would tell us back in the day,"When you need to pee, do it quickly". She always warned about the danger of our bellies bursting or our bladders not working. I never knew what a bladder was at 3 years old but I surely didn't want mine to stop working. I think this person in the window seat probably had a similar relative because it always seems as though you have to go right then and there.

Even more, I'd hate to be that person who has to then wake up or bother the other two or three people sitting next to him. And on top of it, they have to get up when he has to go AND to get up once more when he returns. Crazy, right?

What's even worse? Well, I'd hate to be that person who's in the restroom on the airplane during bad turbulence and gets the blue gel thing on their clothes. That would be really disgusting. No, actually having to ask the two people next to you to get up again while they cringe in disgust as your blue-looking Smurf self has to pass near to them. But thinking of it, I would not even like to be the person that has to keep on getting up every time nature calls you on speed dial.

Yeah. I'd sure hate to be that person!



This has been a certified random thought process by the author, Dave "Loose Cannon" Wills. Feel free to post comments, opinions, similar stories, and/or suggestions below.

I Hate To Be That Person Who...