Thursday, November 5, 2009

THIS SHOUT OUT GOES OUT TO...


EVERYONE WHO HAS A MALFUNCTIONING CAPS LOCK BUTTON OR SIMPLY DECIDED TO LEAVE IT ON WHILE TYPING EVERYTHING ONLINE! YAY!

Aah....

If you're like me, then that was probably annoying to see all those caps. I think this is one of the most obnoxious, rude and improper things regarding netiquette. For the others, netiquette (code word for internet etiquette) simply refers to the unwritten, understood proper rules, protocol and manners employed when engaged in online communication.

Didn't it make you feel like I was shouting at you or that I was on top of Oprah's famous sofa jumping up and down and screaming at you at the top of my lungs as you sat confused in the seat next to me?

If you haven't marked my words before, then you probably won't be familiar with Peeve, that dang pet of mine. He's notorious for his tricks and shenanigans. Though he may make me laugh sometimes, at others it's downright annoying. I also have said before that Peeve seems to have magical powers of transference and can make other people, even random strangers, pick up and follow his infuriating examples and behavior. This is yet another one. I think Peeve is making certain people type in CAPS LOCK. I don't know which is worse, Peeve or all these silly new reality shows some moron producer is being paid to dream up while he's in the toilet. Because, that's whey they belong and should stay. Yet, they keep trying to take them straight out of the crapper and put in on TV. Anyway, more about that in a later post.

What if I started to just suddENLY TYPE EVERY SINGLE SENTENCE IN ALL CAPS? BOY, HOW ANNOYING IS THAT?!? WILL THAT MAKE YOU FRUSTRATED OR ANNOYED?!

What if every time you saw me type it WAS ALL IN CAPS LIKE THIS? I DOUBT THAT YOU WOULD APPRECIATE THAT VERY MUCH! CAN YOU IMAGINE A WHOLE POST LIKE THIS. I WOULD LOSE THE FAITHFUL READERS I HAVE...

The only times caps are acceptable, in my opinion:

1 If you're typing a heading or making a strong emphasis on a word or phrase.

2 If you're involved in a heated web argument and there's a lot of  'web shouting' taking place.


3 If you're Billy Mays (RIP) and you're typing the script for an upcoming infomercial. He was 'lovingly' known as the only person who spoke in all caps verbally and constantly. Man, that dude used to shout the whole time during those ads. Talk about not using his inside voice ever!

Places where leaving your CAPS LOCK button on is not accepted or cool:

1 Your Facebook status, Twitter updates, Myspace status, all chat windows during regular conversation (MSN, Yahoo, Google Talk, AIM, all the rest) and text messages.

2 Throughout the entirety of official letters, publications, message conversation and the list goes on. Did you hear about the woman who got fired for doing EXACTLY that? This is a recession and we need to keep our jobs.

3 Anywhere else online. Period. Zero cool points.

I am about to start a petition for BANNING IMPROPER USAGE OF CAPS LOCK. See there, it was used correctly. How hard was that, luvlee64? Or broman945@aol.com? I haven't forgotten you on Facebook, Amber W.? A fund would be started to provide proper training in the correct way and Chuck Norris is responsible for dealing with all those who break this law. I'm sorry for their heads. We would also be hiring Ving Rhames because he's just an angry-looking, big, bad mofo. He too is the man.

I leave you with a few people who can use all caps and get away with it:

1 Chuck Norris (I dare you to tell him not to)

2 Ving Rhames (Ditto)

3 Paris Hilton, Heidi Montag (may not know where to find the button)

4 Spencer Pratt (seeking attention and hoping all caps speech and text will help)

5 Peter Griffin, Family Guy (we know he's quite the retarded one)

6 Catherine Zeta Jones, Halle Berry (she can do no wrong by us)

7 Blind persons (I dare you to close your eyes and try to type. They do the best they can. God bless their hearts. We love them)

8 Elderly folk (They may not know better)

9 The cute chick/guy you met at the club earlier and know you're drunk texting/messaging them

10 Oprah (she can afford to)


Will someone please end this epidemic? Aargh!

P.S. For further endorsed amusement, go here. Not for minors, faint of heart. Guaranteed hilarious though.


Mark My Words, Dave "Loose Cannon" Wills and http://markthisup.blogspot.com does not guarantee that all the promises made there will come true. Results vary by person, belief, level of stupidi intelligence, age and type of CAPS LOCK button used.

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7 spoke already...add your 2¢:

carissajaded said...

SO THIS IS TOTALLY NOT COOL WITH YOU???

haha no for reals though, it is extremely annoying.

And for the record, I think old people know exactly what they're are doing. they just pretend they don't so they can get away with anything!

:::the.kisser::: said...

LOL. that was amazing! and i am totally guilty of imprpoer uses of caps. thanx for calling me out, i can now seek help.

.kisses.

Meg said...

bwahahaha! awesome. I agree it is annoying, but that picture at the beginning kind of makes it worth it.

Elle said...

You know what really irks me; PeOPlE WriTinG LIkE ThIs On FAceBoOk or TwiTTer. No its not cute, and no you are not 4!

:::the.kisser::: said...

hey dave,

i really like your blog. there is an award waiting for you, please check out my blog to recieve it.

.kisses.

rucamosgirl said...

Hahaha so good, and so relevant. You should do an entry completely on netiquette and include the ppl who tlk lke ths b/c they can't be bothered to learn where the vowels are located. It's almost as annoying as the incessant caps locker.

Dave "Loose Cannon" Wills said...

>carissajaded: Imagine when it's all in caps. Aargh! And you may be on to something, old people may indeed be wily!

>the.kisser: Always glad to help out when needed. Lol. Thanks for the award too, it's my first! Yay!

>meg: Yeah, it is. This funny picture also reminds me of 300.

>elle: This closely related annoyance is right up there with the all caps as a peeve

>rucamosgirl: Thanks. I agree with you. It's already in the works.

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