Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Everything Sounds Better In Autotune

Gone are the good old days when everybody could sing and had real, natural talent. Or at least had the determination and effort to make sure their voice was sounding amazing on record or live.

American Idol Season 9 premieres tonight and with it comes the hopeful dreams of a few or the ludicrous dreams of many, many others. Sadly, most people watch the show just to see how bad some people are. You know, the wannabes or shower-stall singers who think of having their name in lights somewhere.

Unless there's a looney bin somewhere that list the names of the new incoming patients each week in bright yellow and green neon signs, then I'm not sure what lights they are referring to.

Really, MOST of these people can't sing, perform, or even speak properly. And that is why most people watch the show.

Not to mention that out of the 80 top ten finalists over the last eight seasons, most people can't name at least five or seven of them. I'm not a big fan obviously though watching Simon go through his usual bitch-fit, realist, sarcastic, burst-a-bubbly, in-yo-face routine is hilarious.

But who really needs real talent, voice lessons, singing coaches these days?! Enter from stage right...

Making Stars Out Of Nobodys And Making Others Sound Good Circa 1997

I consulted the seemingly-all-knowing Google and found that Andy Hildeman, an Exxon engineer at the time, created it. Little did he probably realize how it would help to catapult, augment or aid the recording and live performance careers of many. This long short list (or long short list?!?) includes:
Faith Hill, Tim McGraw, Cher, Garth Brooks, Janet Jackson, T-Pain (undeniably the most popular today), Akon (it's a given), The Black Eyed Peas, Kanye West, Mary J. Blige, Natasha Bedingfield, Sara Evans, Sean Kingston (obviously!), Lady Gaga, Rascal Flatts, Rihanna, Jay Sean (even when he sing-speaks his name in the intro, you can hear it), Britney Spears, Lil Wayne, many other unnamed artists, anybody who dreams of singing but can't
Even, Kim Zolciak from the Real Housewives of Atlanta jumped on the bandwagon with her 'hit' single "Tardy For The Party (Pardy)". Though in hindsight, foreshight, retrospect and plain common sense, we all knew that she desparately needed autotune. Desperately.

So if you can't sing, don't let anyone tell you you can't.
As Pres. Obama, T-Pain, and Kim will tell you...
Yes You Can!! 


P.S. For longer list of artists who have used auto-tune, go here. AUTOTUNE LIVES!
P.S.S. To download/buy Kim's song for that friend of yours who's always making you late for the club on the weekends, go here. THIS SHI SONG IS ON AMAZON?!?

DISCLAIMER: Mark My Words, Dave "Loose Cannon" Wills, http://markthisup.blogspot.com does not hold itself liable for any disillusions of grandeur, failed dreams, broken promises, insults, ridicules, heckles, outright-in-your-face laughter, depression, sadness, illness or even death caused by trying to enhance, alter, improve one's non-singing or singing voice using any Autotune or pitch enhancement correction devices and the end result is still as bad as the beginning. We admit that even Autotune has its limits.

7 spoke already...add your 2¢:

Ashley @ Germato.com said...

I always get a good laugh out of American Idol. Found a couple I've actually enjoyed, but they don't stick around as long.

aimes said...

...lol. if you ask any of my friends who's aimes' favorite person is, they definitely say T-Pain. I love him alot. Not for his physique or singing talent, but because the guy is just different! ok, ok, i'll admit that most of his songs are catchy!

---i wish I could let you hear the song I did on his App on the iPhone!! So funny!

Dave "Loose Cannon" Wills said...

>ashley: See, you'll be like most people who enjoy the show's humorous entertainment value. Lol

>aimes: I would most definitely like to hear it. Lol. It might be spec-tac-tac-tac-cu-cu-lar...

Deutlich said...

for the record, i feel like that autotuning crap has gone WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY overboard. and i am soooooooo ready for a music revolution (aka: back to the good ole days)

with that said, the autotunes app on the iPhone is kickin. Because autotuning people who can't sing?

Total win.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure not even Autotune can make 'the sound cats make just before hitting the floor' also known as me singing, sound better...

ms.rubies said...

ROFL! oh man...yo, bun a autotune!
it has single handedly thrown shit on the music industry....that smell coming out of your speakers? yup! autotune!

Sabrina C. Willis said...

I will love Mary regardless...

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