Douchebag 101

Thanks to the popularity of Jon Goss, Spencer Pratt and the now much loved "Jersey Shore" Boys, being a d-bag is becoming the cool and popular thing for some.

I mean what better way to become famous than acting like an arse, giving yourself a stupid name or names or being oblivious to how much of an arse you are. After all, it's all guido, baby! Welcome to your first session in Guidology: On Becoming A Douche.

While the term guido initially referred to Italian Americans who fell into both the working class and urban categories, anyone can become easily become guidosized. (see number 5 below).

As always, I try to help others in their quest for self-fulfillment and happiness. So, I've done some beneficial research (watched one and a half episodes of Jersey Shore - couldn't bear it any longer and consulted the almost-all-knowing Google).

To ensure that you stay with the in-crowd, here are a few helpful hints:

1. Wear Ed Hardy tees or super-small smedium shirts. As a matter of fact, it doesn't matter what brand too much as long as it's extra-extra-extra small.

2. Be severely chronically obsessed with going to the gym and working out. Or at least talking about going to the gym and working out. After all, this is the point of those tight shirts, to show off the muscles you've worked on for the last 6 minutes before looking at yourself in the mirror and flexing.

3. Constantly flex your muscles and let people know how "much" you work out.

4. Use/own/purchase immense quantities of hair styling products such as gel, mousse and holding spray.

5. Make up your own words. Shoot...make up your own language!

6. Reduce daily shaving till you have either a scruffy, goatee bearded look to match your scruffy look (the J Goss depends on which season of the show you happen to see or Spencer style) or primp and prep yourself in the mirror after applying spray-on tan, shaving, plucking, tweeking your facial hair to get the right "guido" look.

7. Think everyone is interested in what you are doing at all times. Then act as if you don't like all the attention when inside you skipping up and down like a fat kid locked in a Ben & Jerry's overnight by mistake.


And remember being a d-bag has its many benefits such as popularity, fame, sex appeal and ladies. However do remember, don't have one or more kids (especially 8) if you're not mature enough to be a father. Don't let your significant other do all those plastic surgeries. Lastly, don't fall in love at the Jersey Shore. Or whatever that catchy phrase actually means...

Aargh!



DISCLAIMER: Mark My Words, Dave "Loose Cannon" Wills, http://markthisup.blogspot.com does not hold itself liable for any disillusions of grandeur, failed dreams, broken promises, insults, ridicules, heckles, outright-in-your-face laughter, depression, sadness, illness or even death caused by trying to enhance, alter, improve one's image, character, sex appeal, fame, popularity by following the above posted rules of guidology and the end result is still as bad as the beginning. We admit that we may have misinterpreted the truth when we mentioned that everyone LOVES guidos/douchebags and that EVERYBODY was trying to become one.

Douchebag 101