Monday, December 7, 2009

Roll The Credits Already!

Yes I am one of those people. I pay my money to get my ticket stub at the cinema and watch the movie of my choice. But I am one of those persons. I stay till the end of the movie. But who doesn't do that? Unless it's a movie version of Heidi & Spencer's fascinating adventures and you just had to leave out of sheer boredom and go do something else.

No. I am one of those persons. I stay AFTER the end to see the credits roll up from the bottom of the screen all the way to the top. Yes, one of those persons. Why you may ask am I not filing out with the masses, leaving my empty popcorn bags and soda cups in the seat that was mine for the last hour and a half?

Simple. I like to see things to the end. It makes me feel good that the conclusion has occurred and I can even tell and see who has been responsible in the process. Yes, this is true with movies. However, this is not so true with talking to either douchebags, a-holes or helium-in-brain people. I'm thinking then how fast I can end that conversation. Roll the credits, already!!

These things however I would definitely like to see end soon or have been ecstatic to see a resolution at hand. If they were like a movie, I'd get up and leave after the intro and come back just to see the credits roll. Then for sure, I'd be rid of them. And I'd write a strongly worded letter to the producers threatening a massive boycott if any sequels should be created in the future.

And they are:

1. The Jon & Kate plus 8 plus drama plus nasty divorce plus kids being traumatized.

2. Most reality shows (Tiny & Toya, For The Love of Ray-J, Charm School, [insert any reality TV show here]). Especially the newer ones that have horrible grammar, sentence structure and overall speaking. And to round off the list is poor, substandard 'acting', which is bad even in terms of 'reality TV'...

3. Ed Hardy clothing being the 'cool' thing to wear. Crocs being fashion footwear. This is usually unacceptable unless you have company shares or really, genuinely like wearing them or you are in nursing or any profession that requires long standing on feet.

4. The steadily rise of these damn gas prices. Even more so, all these SUVs that use more gas than the rest of us and the women who drive them erratically on the street.

5. Everyone trying to get me to follow, friend, add them on every blimey social network and gadget that exists these days. Especially when I do and you don't reciprocate or at least leave a comment, message or something. Especially excessive blog pimping.

6. Terms or phrases with vague, often undecided or way too generalized, overused meanings. Examples are "swagger", "swag", "my haters", "popping", and "swell".

7. The recession and any semblance of it. Especially when people use it as a crotch to get out of everything even if they can afford to pay for something. Like Friday night out with the guys. And the same guy every time eats the most wings, drinks the most beer and chips in the least or none at all. His excuse, "It's a recession, man...". My answer in my head,"We need to recession your arse from our Friday night chilltime or you're wanton eating/drinking will put us all in a greater recession."

8. People saying that Macs don't crash or never get viruses. Especially when these same people ask me to borrow my laptop to get some work done since their Mac isn't working properly. Go ask the 'cool' looking guy from the Mac vs PC add for a new Mac. Lol.

9. All these Extenze ads that keep popping up in my inbox or on late-night television. Though they may say it is the gift that keeps on giving, I'll be happier if they give all that spam to someone else.

Roll credits, please...


P.S. Oh, and the list is way longer than this...but I'll tell more later...


10 spoke already...add your 2¢:

michelle said...

awww reality shows will always have a special place in my heart. in college, watching next and ANTM gave me hours of enjoyment after the bars closed. i may not get as inebriated now, but i still like to mock quality crap tv :)

VE said...

I hope those reality shows aren't really reality...I don't remember entering through the gates of hell yet...

Anonymous said...

"Crocs being fashion footwear" I'm so with you on this one. I can take it if you are at home relaxing, but wearing shocking pink Crocs to the Mall, matched with a pink dress, pink bag and pink nails (i've seen this) is just to much. Crocs are not pretty or fashionable, no matter how you wear them.

Anonymous said...

My heart sank when you included crocs to this list and the soared again when nurses was mentioned as an exception to the rule. They really are the most comfortable when you're running back and forth and have five patients in five different areas on the unit.

I couldn't agree with you more about the over generalized terms. I always throw them back in people's face asking them what they "really" mean.

Once again, excellently done!

Nomad said...

I have given you an award. Use it wisely.

michelle said...

ps - i chose you for a little award to say thanks for the rants. you write things i think, but in a much more hilarious format :)


a couple of things. i always sit until the end of the credits too to see if there are any out takes. usually not, but sometimes, yes. and sometimes they are better than the movie.

also i agree with everything on your list with one small exception. i do love reality tv. yes, there are a TON of stupid ones. a ton. but there are a few that i heart too.

the.kisser said...

i'm one of those people that also sit through the credits while everyone walks out. something i would love to see the black screen drop on people who walk arounf talking about how 'bad', awesome and great they are. who are you trying to convince?


Olivia said...

ed hardy is for douchebags.
it makes me think of this.
seriously watch it :D
crocs WERE disgusting, good thing that crocs went out of style.
those mac vs pc commercials piss me the crap off.
extenze commercials arent nearly as bad as the "interactive male" or "trojan personal massager" commercials!
thought youd love to hear my complaints ;)

Anonymous said...

if I had my way, I woulda put you in charge of the nation's roadways. I could see these ideas being funny and real useful at the same time.


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