Thursday, December 3, 2009

Rosetta Stoned

D'habitude je parle en (Sometimes, I speak in french...and...)
Ich spreche Deutsch...(I speak German...a little...still at intermediate level)
Hablo un poco de espanol (Si, I do. I can get by in simple conversation)
Namda? (What?...Yes I'm am planning to learn Japanese officially but know a few words, phrases, meanings)

We've all seen or heard those ads for Rosetta Stone and its promises of having you speaking in another language. "Fastest way to learn a language. Guaranteed." is one of their marketing phrases. "Used by government agencies, Fortune 500 companies, diplomats..." is another. I do agree this is an amazing product and you should definitely invest in it. Especially if you're a world traveler like myself or a person who plans to some day. Or if you're in any of those or similar career fields mentioned above.

It is an investment that will pay off in time. Yet, you still got to have the money to cop it legally and it may be costly. And given the economy, we're always looking for ways to cut costs. 

Well! Today's your lucky day! After all, there must be other things around that will also probably guarantee to make you at least speak in another language, if not learn, just as quickly. In fact, probably quicker than these teenager girls were rushing to buy tickets to see New Moon when it came out.

Bonus! They're definitely loads cheaper compared to Rosetta Stone's software.

I have come up with a few situations/things I've observed and researched (consulted Google). So counting down in no particular order, they are:

6. Really great, exciting or shocking news. Examples: winning the lotto, getting engaged, getting a superb promotion
5. Confrontational situations. Examples: arguments, fender bender car accidents, fights
4. Mind-blowing passionate sex. Especially when orgasms are included.
3. Spiritual encounters in churches, mosques, temples with the divine.
2. Bad or shocking news. Usually displayed in form of short exclamations or phrases. Example: Dos Mios!

These are all good examples but the one that I've seen that works always is:

1. ALCOHOL. Especially tequila or B 151 or any strong rum. Any kind of alcohol as a matter of fact!

I like to call it Rosetta Stoned. When you're so tipsy or high off of booze or liqueur that you loose your damn mind and apparently grasp on the English language. I've seen this personally with a few friends of mine back in college. After a few swigs of the bottle and chugs on the hose, they became more fluent in a different language than Tiger Woods now appears to be fluent in pimping on the side. And leaving incriminating voice mail messages.

Who's dumb enough to do that anyway? Dave is a one-woman, monogamy machine but still for those who mingle with the mistresses, admittedly this is a highly dumb thing to do.

But yes, drinking can make you appear to talk in a different language even at a better quality than when you're sober. You're the star of the show and in the limelight. There you go, speaking French to the hot bartender. Or telling the dude in German what your idea of the after-party for two should be.

After all, one loses most inhibitions when intoxicated, feels more confident, pays less attention to grammar structure, verb construction and detail and is simply wasted. And don't forget you become way cooler, more popular, more interesting, more attractive than Jon Gosselin in his heyday. Ok, maybe Brad Pitt is a better example?

Nonetheless, a six-pack of Heineken or a bottle of Grey Goose is way less expensive than Rosetta Stone if you decide on this route. The perhaps "cooler, faster, cheaper, more hip and more fun" way as thought by some. I have also learned that the ethanol theory only works if you have a partial idea or contact exposure with the language. Like if you have at least been around or learned a fraction of it but still can't speak fluently. Then it's easier to go with the flow (or buzz) and talk as best as you can, substituting unknown words with even more unknown words.

Well, it's up to the brave, courageous ones to try this method willingly. Let me know how it goes. For the rest of us, it's back to the audio tapes, books, classes, homework lessons and immersion trips.

Bonne chance! Gambei!


P.S. Beware you don't pass out on the floor in your attempt to drink enough so you canspeak Italian to the hot chick in the red dress. It could happen....well the passing out part...and you may throw up too. Zero cool points. And besides, she may not understand a word you're saying because you're slobbering, slurring and let's face the fact, can't speak a lick of the language.

5 spoke already...add your 2¢:

Anonymous said...

Man, I was so excited to learn about cheaper just as efficient ways of learning another language! I don't think I'll be experimenting though. Very funny post.

michelle said...

i prefer learning foreign languages while drunk instead of using while drunk. this of course has it's own problems :) "dina mooty" (yay phonetics) is my favorite german phrase

LiLu said...

Ahahaha! My Spanish is WAY better when I'm drunk. At least in my head... ;-)

Anonymous said...

I have no idea why, but for some reason when drunk I love to speak in funny accents (especially German and Indian) And believe me, as a drama student I was the worst accent student in the class, but when drunk that seems to slip my mind... Luckily I haven't tried reviving the little Chinese I still remember when drunk.

the.kisser said...

LOL...laughing as usual! i have never drank so much that i begin to talk in a different tongue, or accents, maybe i'm missing out.


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