Thursday, October 29, 2009

These Costumes Scare The Ladies Away! Part II

And the list of costumes (for guys) to NOT wear if you plan on meeting any lovely ladies this Halloween continues. I know you think it may be cool and the idea sounded good with the guys while drinking last night but now that you're a bit more sober, let's stop and think. The plan is to go out and meet ladies not impress the stag team. Unless you're of that persuasion, which would then be different. However, if you're going to simply be the comedian of the party then by all means. But if not, then take heed...

1 The Drag Queen/Diva

This speaks for itself. I know it may be a blast in front the mirror or parading in front of the guys pretending to be Khloe Kardashian. But really?! Looking like the chick (a poorly dressed one most likely), will not get you the chick, dear boy..
Nope. Not at all. Zero cool points.

2 The Gynecologist

Although a well-respected and decent profession, ladies probably won't appreciate you walking up to them with stethoscope in one hand and a Cusco's self retaining bivalve vaginal speculum in the other telling them you're giving free check ups. This privacy and intimacy is often reserved for their personal doctor or person of their choice. Yes, and please don't call yourself Dr. Seymour Bush either. Please. Seriously. 

3 The Giant Feminine Product

Sigh. What can I really say about this. If you're moronic enough to think this is cool, sexy and charming, then by all means go ahead and test your 'scientific' experiment. Dumb ass. Certain ideas and costumes should be banned due to being plain stupid. This is clearly one. Why would a woman want to talk to a vagina that reminds her of those lovely days every month. Yeah. You're the man. And to think you will win the bet with your buddies for actually wearing this though you'll surely lose for the part about scoring with the girl.

4 The Morally Questionable Ill

No comment. Really. I don't think I should have to make one. If this is the first impression you want to give a lady, that there is some indication of some sick, twisted side of you that she has yet to meet, then carry on Father Pedophi and Mr. Gotewankar.

5 The [Any Other Medical Field Associated With Female Health] 

Luck may have it that you may be a second year medical student or veteran nurse. Shoot, even a licensed practicing physician. Still, this idea can still come off as tasteless. This costume also requires the right amount of charm, self-confidence, sex appeal and courage. Then again, being an actual doctor may help you after the initial introduction. Sadly, simply watching all the seasons of House, ER, Nurse Jackie et al may not.


Mixing and matching may work sometimes. Not all the time. Definitely not in this case. Stop being cheap, go buy your own costume and most definitely STOP using your little brother's or son's costumes from years before.

Again, not sure about this one. Mixed reviews too. Same tactic applies: If you can pull it off, then go ahead. Expect any possible reaction though.

Happy hunting this Halloween...

8 spoke already...add your 2¢:

The Peach Tart said...

oh hell no

Dave "Loose Cannon" Wills said...

Yeah. This second edition has all the costumes that totally went the wrong way.

They're not even funny cool like your Amy makeup costume. Lol

Meg said...

giant feminine product...oh my god. horrifying!

Anonymous said...

Words escape me!! Horrifying indeed!!!

LiLu said...

I'm with you... EXCEPT for #1. I kinda respect a guy who's confident enough to work a dress and fake boobs.

Dave "Loose Cannon" Wills said...

Yeah. They can be a tad bit disturbing.

>lilu: I agree. That's why I mentioned the part about having the confidence overall to pull off the costume that plenty guys seem to lack. Lol.

One buddy of mine actually (gasp!) dressed just like this on Saturday.
His pickup line: "You can squeeze my boobs if I can squeeze yours back!"

It worked a few times. But after much alcohol consumption from both parties involved. :) I say if you have the balls & bravado, then by all means, go for it!

Anonymous said...

Man oh man! This joint here had me rolling at work today, mayne. Them dudes here be wilding, son. No way in hell I'll wear one of these and my swag game is on point too.


Prissy said...

straight H.A.M (Hot Ass Mess) LOL!

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