Wednesday, October 28, 2009

These Costumes Scare The Ladies Away! Part I

Halloween's fast approaching. With it, comes either the confusion of what to wear or the excitement of putting on that fabulous get-up you got from the costume store downtown. Good thing it's a limited edition they told you. Sadly, don't be surprised when you see 12 other Lara Crofts, 10 Sarah Palins and 6 Edward Cullen outfits.

I've realized that females tend to look good no matter what costume they put on. It's the guys that tend to be hit-or-miss. And that wrong costume can have you out tricking with the kids in the alley while the right one can have you enjoying the treat. With so much variety out there, it seems that now it's hardly like for you to get a bad costume. But in actuality, the odds are only increased for you to pick a wrong one. And this post is really for the guys. I'm on the team so I have to give some helping hand or assist whenever I can. Besides, I've already got my perfect cheerleader so things are great on my end. But if you're looking to make the right connection at some fright night costume party this year, then you should make sure your costume is not 'cock blocking'.

If you dare to wear these costumes however, you're more likely to scare the girls OFF rather than attract them. There will be no attraction, attention or vibe between you and the ladies. Just like there's none between "Jay" and the top models doing a nude photo shoot (or any shoot for that matter) on ANTM. So beware, for these get-ups are certified girl-repellent!

1 The Jon Gosselin
All you need is a pair of diamond-studded earrings (clip-ons work too), Ed Hardy-esque tee, uber amount of gel to create spiky hair look (wig can be substituted), black sunglasses, khaki shorts that fall just below the knee or blue jeans, flip flops. Ladies will smell your commitment issues, marital trouble, and media-limelight-loving-though-stating-that-you-really-don't self afar off. Even more they'll frown on your overall lameness for wanting to party and be free while you have NOT 1, 2, or 4 but EIGHT kids to take care. If you can get some small kids who are trick-or-treating outside to follow you into the party and call you Daddy, then it's even more authentic. If they're Asian, kudos to you!

 2 The "Too-Cool-To-Wear-A-Costume-At-The-Costume-Party" Douche Bag
This is the guy who shows up at the costume party in jeans and a tee. Sans costume and yes and has the balls to say that his costume is Single Sexy Guy. No, lamo. The event clearly said, "No Costume, NO Entry." The fact that you were able to pass the bouncer in your Ed Hardy tee (who likes Ed Hardy wear anyway??), damaged jeans and Converse sneakers is not important. He probably thought you were dressed in a loser costume and let you pass. As a matter of fact, he's probably in costume pretending to be a bouncer if you do get in. Don't make the ladies pretend to be wearing a stupid costume when you tell them that your costume is sexy and expect them to believe you or take you seriously.

3 The Spencer Pratt

Accesories: Dark blazer, jeans or suit pants, open unbuttoned shirt (preferably white), possible armpit-looking hair on face (bushy, scruffy, unshaven, I'm-a-dude-from-the-Hills beard/face hair). Act like a douchebag and that everyone in party should know that you're famous and who you are.

4 The Heavenly Gift

Aah...We all know that you are God's gift to women but blatantly expressing this to every female in the party may be a bit crass. And you could at least try to be more original. And you'll need a good dose of class, bravado, balls, sex appeal, self-confidence and charm to actually make this work. Since that doesn't apply to the majority of guys, I'd suggest you play it safe.

5 The Gift Bearer

Similar to the God's Gift To Women outfit. Except you at least have some humility to accept that maybe ALL of you isn't really a gift at all. Although you agree that you're definitely not the total package, you still insist that this part of you is and that it somehow makes up for everything else. Including how really uncool you are.


Not sure what side this lies on, good or bad. There are mixed reviews. Play it to caution. If you do, have the bravado, charm, charisma and sex appeal to back it up. A six pack and some days in the gym wouldn't hurt either. No one wants to see you (or those flabs) all bursting out the pizza box or what's left of it.

This one DEAD WRONG!


3 spoke already...add your 2¢:

Meg said...

i'm visiting from 20sb! I have to agree with you on all these costumes. If I ever saw a guy dressed as Jon Gosselin or Spencer Pratt I would be moving very quickly in the opposite direction. And that costume? It's kind of disturbing...

carissajaded said...

Oh wow! haha That last costume is... well kind of amazing! I have to say, the douche costume always makes me smile, though it is often difficult to tell whether they are actually dressing up or just a douche who is too good to dress up...

Dave "Loose Cannon" Wills said...

>meg: Hey 20sb fam! And yes, the last costume is most disturbing.

>carissajaded: Though it may seem amazing it still is disturbing. Lol. And I see them all the time. The douches who think they are too cool to dress up.

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