Stupid Useless Vehicles?!?

Ok, so I realized that some of you may have gotten the trailer preview to this blog earlier today. Talk about creating buzz. Lol. Here's the full release!

Note to self: Make sure to NOT press ENTER while drafting without checking first to see which button on the screen is highlighted.

I think I have a love-hate, no actually, hate-hate relationship with SUVs and to some extent minivans. Everyone who knows me has at least heard me speak of these monstrous, absurd vehicles at least once a week. SUVs are also called 4x4s, off-road vehicles, or four-wheel drives. Yet, they still can be classified as deadly weapons in the hands of most who use them. I have to share the road with them every day. Picture shown is first Russian SUV, perhaps even first SUV ever. It looks like a tank. I think this is what some people think they are driving when they are on the road. Such is my luck.

I began seeking answers in the all-knowing Google to find statistics and to see if I was a bit anal. Do other people feel the same way I do? Interestingly, I wasn't alone in my plight. Other drivers had suffered the fate of the big-vehicle-driving, aggressively-at-times-speeding, often-oblivious-to-others, typically-small-framed-female driver. I do believe these women undergo a transformation after entering these bigger vehicles. Who knows where the blame lies? Perhaps the roar and power of the engine hiding under the hood? The feel of freedom to wreak havoc and carnage to zip around the highway?

I'm always mortified when I'm approaching a traffic jam and then have to speed up a bit because some SUV behind is approaching at a rapid rate. Even worse when the owner doesn't appear to be interested in slowing down anytime soon. Don't they know due to physics and inertia, that their bigger hunk of metal and gears will take a lower time to slow down or that their braking reaction time will be slower? Interestingly based upon my mental survey and records that ends up usually being a 'she' more than a 'he'. Since I do drive a lot, I consider my somewhat of a growing expert on highway usage and driver profiles.

I tend to observe that men drive more sedans, trucks, and 18-wheelers. Women tend to drive more SUVs, Jeeps, and minivans. Obviously, this is no rule just a simply detailed observation. There are the dreaded male SUV drivers who perhaps got stuck with their wife's car because their car was in the shop. Or even had to use the minivan that day to pick up the kids from soccer practice because Mom already had her Botox appointment scheduled that day for weeks now.

I admit that these vehicles may not be totally useless and may come in handy at certain times. They offer varied uses such as carpooling noisy kids or coworkers, driving through rivers and floods, going on off-road adventures, towing U-Haul hitches, and helping me move stuff between my dorm and storage during college. Thanks B! Sadly, I do not think any of these uses involves modern mobile assault vehicle. These things are more dangerous than Holly Montag, some Peach Snaps, two martinis and recording cameras, AND a car all mixed together like one big potluck (maybe bad luck) dinner.

So, I ran across this amusing yet accurate song that was actually recorded and released. It's call "90 Pound Suburban Housewife Drivin' Her S.U.V.". It's hilarious and made me laugh and think that, "Yes, this so sounds familiar." Here's a sample from the official 90 Pound SUV site. And here are some lyrics for the song.

CHORUS
90 pound suburban housewife
Drivin' in her SUV
Talkin' on her cell phone
Oblivious to you and me
Kids in the back seat watchin' the
little T.V.
She's a 90 pound suburban housewife
driving in her SUV.

VERSE
She may be your neighbor
She may be your wife
She may be your mother for the
rest of your life
But one thing's for certain, I think
you'll all agree
With tons of steel and 4 big wheels
She'll be drivin' like an S.O.B.

So far, research shows that women tend to buy compact SUVs while men favor luxury SUVs. The presence of kids, family influences the possibility of buying, owning and driving an SUV. I found out that married couples with kids tend to be the majority in the SUV market. Thanks to the dying economy and stupidly high oil prices, their popularity declined in the late 1990s and early 200s. Also playing the roles of sidekicks were/are global warming and its hype man, Green Peace. And people say environmentalists make senseless and are good for nothing. I disagree.

I have so much more 'good' stuff to say about SUVs but this needs a second post which I will do. What I've realized is that it's a case of Pinocchio and master. I blame not so much the vehicles for their destruction but more the people behind the wheel. And it is true, the stereotypes in this case do seem to hold out.

Quick follow-up preview of my list:

1. Blatant abuse of parking spaces. Always park over the line and even take up two spaces.
I have seen a few dents in my car placed at a height that I know was caused from the SUV that was parked next to me when I got there.

2. Swerve in and out of lanes due to sheer massive size

3. Drivers think they are in sedans or sport cars. Tend to block the fast lane by driving slow. Note: They think they are going fast but due to inertia it takes them just as long to speed up as it takes them to brake.

Stay tuned. Aargh!

Stupid Useless Vehicles?!?