Friday, October 23, 2009

Though You May Piss Me Off, Don't Piss Off These People!


1. Waitresses, waiters, fast food servers. Any person in the food industry directly involved with preparing or serving your meal. You do not want to know what they can do to your food. Address complaints politely and with a smile. I know as customers we are 'always right' but still I'd play it to the side of caution. Too many friends in that business, too many horror/revenge stories...

2. Cops, police, po-po, boys in blue, bobbies, the law. Never. These gun-toting, handcuff-slapping, siren-flashing heroes can cause your fashion sense to change from leather or suede to ONLY stripes easily, at the extreme. Or at least they may hit you with a baton if you're Rodney King an annoying though perhaps deserved ticket or fine. Smile, be polite and respond with "Yes, Officer." Keep those other thoughts to ourselves. If needed, file written complaint with precinct as opposed to verbal complaint with actual officer on site.

3. Judges. That little hammer of theirs wields much great power. Its dull thud on the desk could mean life or death. Literally. I'd say the only exception would be those TV 'judges'. To me, their role is mainly entertainment. You go Judge Judy, Mathis, Karen, Hatchett, Alex, Peter and all the rest on TV. And your fake bailiffs (hired security guards or actors looking tough).


4. Kanye West. He WILL speak his mind and may most likely cut you off in the middle of what you're saying or doing. He's definitely..wth?!
YO! DAVE, I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU AND YOUR LIL BLOG, IMMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT...MY BLOG IS ONE OF THE BEST BLOGS OF ALL TIME! OF ALL TIME!!
....as I was saying...the Joe Wilson of music. Though at least, he'll hand back the mike when
he's through and he wouldn't shout out, "You lie!". Still, the sheer embarrassment of it all may leave you scarred and scared. I still think he's a musical genius and heard he's off at rehab in China or somewhere finding his center. I say kudos to him for trying to better himself...

5. Mike Tyson. Especially if it's 1997. Not only could he give you a TKO in under 12 seconds and have you flat on the floor with your face (and ego) all bruised and swollen, he WILL bite your right ear off! Ask One-Eared Evander yourself. Though if it's 2009, he may sit on your couch and cry like a baby. Kudos to Oprah for making even the hard, tough ones melt on that couch of hers. I wonder if she pays people to cry...

6. TSA Agents. These are the no-nonsense rulers of airport travel and security. Backtalk, sass, attitude, even annoyance is not an option here. They will shut your shit down and make you have to suffer on Greyhound instead of getting your 'free' peanuts and Cranberry juice. Way, way too many horror stories here! Hey, at least you can still get a window seat...

7. Michael Moore. He's jolly, friendly and often informative. But get on his wrong side and he'll perhaps make an expo-say or documentary about you whether your the health care industry, 911 co-conspirators or Joe Bloe. And it will be seen by millions whether you like it or not. It's your choice...

8. Chuck Norris. Didn't I already say that he's the muggereffin man!!?  He will Roundhouse kick you to the throat which unfortunately may be a lethal blow. Check his fact list. That boy bad...that boy bad...



Don't say I didn't warn you. Aargh!
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6 spoke already...add your 2¢:

Anonymous said...

Man, Davvvee!!! this one had me rollin. This sh was so funny esp the Kanye joint and the Chuck Norris one. Keep em coming, mayne..real talk

RJ

rucamosgirl said...

There is just simply too much to comment on for this one.

Good life advice!

Ms Dirty Cupcake said...

you are too funny! i love the tyson bit. have you seen the documentary? it's priceless!

Fay said...

I agree with everyone then lol. I loved the lists and the pictures that went with them, I totally agree about the TV judges though.

Dave "Loose Cannon" Wills said...

>RJ: Thanks. And Chuck Norris is the man!

>rucamosgirl: Glad you liked the handy advice. Lol

>ms dirty cupcake: I have. I'm between priceless and borderline pathetic. I think it's because we've always seen him as the big, angry, tough guy. I'm all for expressing emotions but to see HIM like that was a bit weird.

>fay: Those TV judges crack me all up the time. Especially when they play serious and hand out their 'sentences' (the amount people have to pay)

Anonymous said...

I been busy man. So I'm now commenting on all this stuff I read before but didn't get a chance to put my 2 cents, you feel me? lol.
Norris is the man, no joke. He's one bad mofo!!1
I treat waiters nice all the time, I had a cuz who used to work in a restaurant. So i know the stories too.

RJ

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