Monday, October 5, 2009

How I Survived A Dangerous Gas Leak in WalMart

Some people often think that someone or something is out to get them - from swine flu to rabid dogs to tornadoes to evil voodoo mice to Kanye West outbursts to swerving grannies on the highway.

To live one's life in constant fear can be troubling and even daunting on the mind. But hey, who can really blame them some times? You just never know what situation you may end up in sometimes.

Me? I'm not afraid of anything in particular nor can I think of anything that scares me silly. I just take things as they come and adjust to, deal with and solve them.

But dang...there ARE sometimes that you get shaken off track and you have no clue what to do. You end up getting even more lost than the rest of us about whether or not Khloe K's marriage is a sham or not or why the reality show phase is like an dying, yet undead immortal straight out of Twilight- ville.

Take this for instance? A sudden gas leak after a small explosion in WalMart and you're caught right in the middle? What would you do?
How does one prepare for such a thing? I mean who walks around with a gas mask and a portable supply of oxygen all day? I had to ask myself that question as the thick, unseen yet 'deadly' fumes were approaching me.. .

So I was in the cereal and dry goods aisle looking for sugar. Plain white sugar. Nothing exciting, just a regular quick run into WalMart to grab something. It was 2.17 pm. I remember cause I was hurrying back to finish watching Season Two of Dexter on Showtime. Awesome show by the way! I noticed this young chick nearby getting some items near to me and noticed because she had on those Crocs that we all love. It was a 'cute' pink pair too - how delightfully fashionable!

I'm scanning the prices quickly ( who doesn't these days anyway?) to find the best deal when I hear a soft, yet very audible noise. It sounded like a grumble, like when you're hungry and your stomach makes those weird, embarrassing noises. But more like air escaping through a crevice. I look up in surprise and see the girl has that familiar awkward, nothing- happened-but-really-something-did look.

Having been blessed and cursed with an acute sense of smell, I started to detect hydrogen sulfide in the air. For those not science nerds like me, it's the smell of rotten eggs. My face contorted into a gaze of horror and disgust upon realizing the catastrophe I had fallen into. I turned my head and inhaled the last bit of fresh air around, held my breath and began to walk quickly to the end of the aisle. I looked at her as she mouthed "sorry". How dare she simply let her flatulence ' flatter' me so?

I escaped this time but oh..the nerve of some people..oh the nerve. I was at the cashier now about to swipe my card. Disgusted, I just wanted to head back home. Suddenly, I heard the same, familiar, doom-foreshadowing sound. I looked around in shock, shook my head, inhaled the last bit of fresh air and began to quickly leave the store.

Hopefully it was too late before they realized what I had just done. Turns out I too had fallen ill to the flatus.

I survived to live another day.

Joke of the Day: What do you call a fart that someone holds in for a long while because they are ashamed to let it go till no one is around?                  An old fart.

Weird fact of the day: According to Wikipedia (the most trusted source of info in the world, fart is one of the oldest words in the English vocabulary. Seems that people have been fearing gas leaks since the beginning of time.

My advice - either walk with that gas mask or walk with a quick step, so they won't suspect anything.

Ah...the nerve of some people! Aargh!

3 spoke already...add your 2¢:

Anonymous said...

i think this happens to everybody at least once LOL

Anonymous said...

hahahaha too funny

Dave "Loose Cannon" Wills said...

Yeah it sure was an escapade...especially me in the end trying to escape the embarrassment...

Good thing, it proves I am in fact just human.

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